Dispersed.

When the flag came down, I was at the end of the world, the darkest corner of the ocean, the highest point on Earth, and I stopped. Moving, breathing, hoping, wishing, thinking, caring, worrying. I just stopped. Not purposely, that was just the way it was. And not literally, obviously. But I stopped. Tomorrow was just another day, yesterday was simply the past. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t sad. Plateaued. Coming to terms with the fact that the sun will still rise tomorrow whether I want it to or not. Whether I hide or make the best of it, the day will still come.
It’s not an easy thing to admit (I admit), but sometimes you have to be vulnerable in order to let people in. Apparently. And I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be easy. I mean, I know it’s not supposed to be easy. But the funny thing is that it is. Easy, I mean. And if it is, it’s too good to be true right? Does that even exist? Something being too good to be true? I suppose not, though.
The fear just isn’t there. It normally is. Lingering in the back of my mind like it was a couple of weeks ago. But it’s dispersed. I don’t enjoy change. Any kind of change, really. Mood and psychological changes especially, but any change. I’m not scared, like I know I would normally be in the given situation. There could be a million fingers pointing at a million reasons why, but I think I know the truth. I’ll shrug it off because being dependant on people is a recipe for disaster, I’ve come to realise. But simply, it’s because of him.