I'm Stronger Than This.

I mean, I think I'm happy. It's hard to say. I constantly find myself in a state of denial. Well, I mean, I did up until yesterday morning.
Alarm goes off, sun shining through the wooden slats in my blinds and Monday morning rush to work about to begin... and then the crashing reminders of the weekend, the weed, the beer, the sin, and I find myself damn near paralysed in bed, unable to find a single reason to get up and just thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing?"
It's just not fun anymore. It's not the act itself that bothers me though, it's the reasons why.

In the simpliest terms, it's because human is the only being that knows it's alone. It would be nice to not know. It would be nicer if independence, not company, was enforced. Because that’s really the only reason why we know or understand anything. Because they told us so.

It’s comforting to know that because I’m so young, I really don’t have anything to worry about. I understand that I have plenty of time, the whole world is ahead of me, blah blah blah. But does that really take away how I feel today? It used to be so much easier before, even six months ago, I could always roll with the punches. I didn’t let anything get to me. I didn’t let anyone get to me. I was always able to shrug off anything that was thrown my way and smile my way through anything. But to tell you the truth, it’s getting harder now.

Shit, I hate admitting it.