“It’s always hard when people take advantage of your vulnerability”.
I think people take advantage of me 24 hours a day. I try and be the good person by letting people get away with things and just having a little faith in others, you know? Giving people the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions. Just letting someone smile or have a good time. Help them forget about the ugliness in the world and the stupidity of others.
But in the end, I still get walked all over. I may be tough skinned and yes, I can take it. But eventually it just gets old and exhausting and everytime, I loose a little more trust in the people around me.
Just because I seem like the kind of person that isn't bothered by these kinds of things doesn't mean I actually am. I don’t particularly like to whine, but it really does hurt, you know? More than you'd possibly care to imagine.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I'm Stronger Than This.
I mean, I think I'm happy. It's hard to say. I constantly find myself in a state of denial. Well, I mean, I did up until yesterday morning.
Alarm goes off, sun shining through the wooden slats in my blinds and Monday morning rush to work about to begin... and then the crashing reminders of the weekend, the weed, the beer, the sin, and I find myself damn near paralysed in bed, unable to find a single reason to get up and just thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing?"
It's just not fun anymore. It's not the act itself that bothers me though, it's the reasons why.
In the simpliest terms, it's because human is the only being that knows it's alone. It would be nice to not know. It would be nicer if independence, not company, was enforced. Because that’s really the only reason why we know or understand anything. Because they told us so.
It’s comforting to know that because I’m so young, I really don’t have anything to worry about. I understand that I have plenty of time, the whole world is ahead of me, blah blah blah. But does that really take away how I feel today? It used to be so much easier before, even six months ago, I could always roll with the punches. I didn’t let anything get to me. I didn’t let anyone get to me. I was always able to shrug off anything that was thrown my way and smile my way through anything. But to tell you the truth, it’s getting harder now.
Shit, I hate admitting it.
Alarm goes off, sun shining through the wooden slats in my blinds and Monday morning rush to work about to begin... and then the crashing reminders of the weekend, the weed, the beer, the sin, and I find myself damn near paralysed in bed, unable to find a single reason to get up and just thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing?"
It's just not fun anymore. It's not the act itself that bothers me though, it's the reasons why.
In the simpliest terms, it's because human is the only being that knows it's alone. It would be nice to not know. It would be nicer if independence, not company, was enforced. Because that’s really the only reason why we know or understand anything. Because they told us so.
It’s comforting to know that because I’m so young, I really don’t have anything to worry about. I understand that I have plenty of time, the whole world is ahead of me, blah blah blah. But does that really take away how I feel today? It used to be so much easier before, even six months ago, I could always roll with the punches. I didn’t let anything get to me. I didn’t let anyone get to me. I was always able to shrug off anything that was thrown my way and smile my way through anything. But to tell you the truth, it’s getting harder now.
Shit, I hate admitting it.
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