Worse Things Happen At Sea.

My friend sent me something tonight that made me think.

He said:

"You hurt me everytime I see you take a puff of those stupud cigarettes, or when you tell me something that's complete bullshit. You hurt me whenver I look at you and you look away pretending you were never looking at me. It hurts me when you say you're happy and I know you're lying. It hurts me when you say you're okay and you're not."

In many ways, he's right.

I don't know who I am sometimes.

In many ways, I have no doubts about myself. But I'm also not so sure.

I'll Dream Until My Head Weighs 16 tonnes.

5pm on a Friday afternoon, after the beers have been passed around the office and the weekend is at your fingertips. Step outside into the summer heat, the distant smell of bushfire in the air.

That feeling you get when you realise you're free for the next 63 hours always means that little bit more in the summertime.

Nothing, and I mean nothing makes me happier.

It's Harder to Walk Away.

I’ve never really felt like I have anything big to look forward to.
Over the past six years, no matter what my ambition or goal they were always interrupted.
Like anyone does, I did grow past those goals and create new ones, only to have them interrupted again by whatever crisis or life event that was thrown my way.
I even went through a stage where I felt like the only thing I had coming for me was disappointment.
It scares me even writing this, because I feel like I’m going to jinx myself or something.
And although I’ve just been ripped away from the most important person in my life, and in the aftermath of that, a change in lifestyle, perhaps the positive is that I am free.
There is nothing holding me back and nothing to stop me from breaking out of my comfort zone for perhaps the first time in my life.

But just like spending time with others to get to know them, you couldn’t possibly know who you are without spending time with yourself.
And I am afraid. Of course, I’m scared to death. I’ve never really been alone before.

Another Shot of Whiskey.

I'm really scared for him.
It's not even about 'us' anymore, that's not even the issue anymore. I'm worried that he's on some kind of chase for excitement. I mean, I know that he is on the chase for excitement. But knowing him and his personality - that's why it scares me.
He knows the difference between right and wrong, he knows what's good for you and what's bad for you - but that's unlikley to stop him. It's recklessness, not independance.

You can't strike out on your own if you have no drive or direction. You can't make a choice to change your life and move in with drug addicts. You can't decide what you want to be your problem and step away from things that are too hard. You can't choose independance but continue to lean on anyone who will listen. You can't say goodbye to the people you love unless you are never coming back.

And The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

You know, it’s amazing when you finally decide that you’re blowing things out of proportion and let yourself sit back and enjoy the ride is when you get stabbed in the back and left in the dark.
I’m not going to say I didn’t see it coming. Obviously, I did. It’s funny if you try your hardest to hold on to something, that’s when it puts more effort into getting away. Until it is.
Sometimes they come back. I did. I disappeared for a while. I didn’t know who I was for a while. Eventually I figured it out and made my way back home.And everything was great again.Until he lost his way this time.And I’m finding myself alone again. Temporarily disappearing from the world I know so well.
Change isn’t always a bad thing in the long-run. But sometimes it’s simply not necessary.
Sometimes they come back.
But the question is – will he?