"I spent my entire childhood wishing I was older. Now I'm older and this shit sucks"

I think it's okay to feel like that,
sometimes.

It may well be worth it.

Sometimes, I think that my favorite people in the world are the people I will never see again.

There are so many people I have come across in everyday situations, like on the bus or in a queue or in the street, that have just stuck in my mind.

I don’t know these people’s names, where they’re from or where their going. But our limited time spent in conversation has been more than enough to keep them fresh in my memory for years to come.

I remember specifically, about three years ago I met a boy at the bus stop. I think it was raining that day. We had both just missed the bus by minutes so we ended up sitting there together on the bench for about 15-20 minutes waiting for the next one.
We didn’t really talk. We just kind of sat there, about half a meter away from each other quietly smoking our cigarettes. I think at one point we may have introduced ourselves and I definitely recall him asking to borrow my lighter, but other than that, we just smiled at each other occasionally.

Once the bus finally came, he sat down in the seat in front of me. I could see him looking out the window and his eyes flicker in my direction out of the corner of his eye every so often. I really wanted to say something. To reach forward and tap him on the shoulder; start up a conversation. But my arm lay lifeless in my lap, and I kept my mouth shut. I don’t know why. I’m not usually the type that has any problem striking up a conversation, even with somebody I don’t know. I just couldn’t do it this time.

When it came to his stop, he stood up really slowly. I don’t know if it was because I knew he was leaving and I perhaps found myself savoring every second I had left, or if he was purposely taking his time. He turned around to face me and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something.
I waited, looking right into his eyes. The bus came to a halt. He said nothing. I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t believe this! “Just say something!” I remember thinking.
He smiled, as if he’d heard me or something. He then simply winked at me, and stepped off the bus.

Of course, I never saw him again.
I still think about that boy today. I don’t know what it was about him. Just one of those things, I guess.
Sometimes, I wish I’d had got to know him.
But when I really think about it, I’m glad I didn’t.
If I had, I wouldn’t feel the same way about the memory, would I?

Uselessness.

It started and ended sooner then either of us could have ever imagined.
Like a shooting star, that you think you may have seen,
But really could have been your eyes playing tricks on you, or a satelite, or nothing.
We held our breath and dived into something that we both knew would end.
But we kept repeating "Not yet,
not today".
I took his hand and showed him the reasons I get out of bed in the morning.
And there were phone calls, and sunrises. There was plently of weed and the Catcher in the Rye.
Cigarette after cigarette, we lay on the grass in silence; if only to start today again tomorrow.
But there were no tears. There was no anger, no fear.
We just lied to ourselves and said, "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay".

"It's just going to be alright."

:)

And I thought "Oh God, my chance has come at last"

This morning while I was on the bus to work, I saw perhaps one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
I can’t really explain why it was beautiful. It just was.

There was this couple, they were probably in their early 70s, crossing the main road.
It was clear by how they were dressed that they were on a morning walk together. As they started to cross the road, they got about a quarter of the way, and the red pedestrian light started flashing to hurry them up. They immediately held hands with one another, and continued to jog across the road and onto the footpath.
They didn’t even look at each other. They just knew what to do and what the other one was thinking.

That kind of got me into this strange headspace about relationships, love, and all things related.
And I suppose I have come to realize that I have no trouble finding someone great, getting to know them, starting something, and even falling in love with them.
It’s just the staying in love that I have the trouble with.

Boredom is a State of Mind

You know, I don’t have a very interesting life.
I’ve kind of gotten to a point in my life I think where I am starting to notice the repetitiveness.
It’s not at all like I don’t enjoy my life.
Because I do.
I may not be blessed with all of the cliché things that are associated with a “perfect” life, but I certainly have close to everything I need.
But sometimes, it’s the drama that keeps things interesting.
Drama can make or break you.
Either way – you’re never bored.

I’ve known people who have been so insanely bored with their lives, that they have felt the need to create their own drama.
And in doing this, a few of them have actually ended up fucking up their lives completely.
But what is it about boredom that makes people do this?
Is boredom really that bad?
Has Generation Y simply become "The Bored Generation"?
The generation that has seen it all, and has it all, and knows it all?
With one hand texting, the other typing and swapping screens between Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and Dailybooth, whilst on Skype and a DVD playing in the background and only one thing in mind: BOREDOM.

My Generation

"But that hasn't stopped generation Y bashing becoming a national sport. While sexism, racism and homophobia are frowned upon, it seems it is OK to denigrate 4.5 million Australians because they're young."

- Michael Lallo, The Age: 'Talkin' 'Bout my generalisation (or why we bag Gen Y)'

I keep forgetting about this blog.
I think it's because I have signed up for so many social networking sites, I am having a very hard time trying to keep up with them all.

You see, there is this new show that has just started called Talkin' 'Bout My Generation. It's basicly a demographic showdown. It's a contest between Baby Boomers, Generation X and Generation Y.
During the show, they tend to rip Generation Y'ers apart.
I was born in 1990. An absolutley, no mistake, part of Generation Y. I love Twitter and my mobile phone. I just about go insane when the internet is down and I am highly impatient. But really - what's so bad about that? It's not hurting anyone.
I also give everyone the time of day wether they're male, female, black, white, tall, short, fat skinny, blonde, brunette, gay or lesbian. And a large majority of Generation Y feel the same way. It's believed that Generation Y have the lowest rate of racism and homophobia.

There is nothing at all that pisses me off more than a Generation X who thinks it's okay to pick on and overpower someone from Generation Y simply because they are older.
A Generation Y says, "God, I hate work" and the majorty of Generation X's will respond with something like, "You don't even KNOW what hard work is yet. I'VE been working full time since before you were even THOUGHT OF." Uh, so what. In 30 years time I'll have worked for that long too.

I guess I just kind of see it the same way as when kids grow up and finally start to realise that their parents aren't always right.